the cat is high

the Couch-to-5k tarp

I totally got tricked into a Couch-to-5k. How does this even happen?

me: I am going running every morning!

him: I’ll go with you!

me: it’s going to be short. like 20 mins and barely a mile

him: ok.

*we do this for a couple of days

*boyfriend starts cueing me on when to run and walk

* i follow like a sheep

him: Surprise! I’ve been training you for couch-to-5k!

me: WHAT

A Young Neighbor’s Welcome

The boyfriend and I decided to go for a stroll around the neighborhood. We passed by a park where we saw a kid, maybe eleven years old, playing with a small trampoline.

I mean, he was actually picking it up and rolling it down the street, like it was a hoop.

I contemplated advising the boy on the proper usage of the trampoline, but I decided it was not my place to set restrictions on this kid’s apparent outside-the-box imagination. Who was I to tell him there was only one way to play with a trampoline?

A car came down that street, so he rolled his trampoline out of the way. As we passed, he yells out, “ARE YOU ASIAN?!”

Was this a trick question?

“IS SHE ASIAN?!”

“IS SHE CHINESE?!”

My next contemplation was on whirling around and letting the kid know you don’t just yell out guesses at a stranger’s ethnicity as they passed you and your stupid rolling trampoline on the street, but then he delivered this gold nugget.

“DO YOU GUYS KISS? DO YOU GUYS FUCK?!”

Holy shit. Did the kid even know what that meant?

“DO YOU PUT YOUR DICK IN HER PUSSY?”

Yea, the kid knew exactly what that meant. I finally retorted, “You don’t talk that way to strangers.”

“Sorry!”

Stupid kid. I hope you keep playing with the trampoline the wrong way so other kids laugh at you.

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I am Alienman. This is my blog. I have sensitive acne-prone combination dry skin with an oily T-zone. Yea, my skin sucks. I have bulgy fatty monolids (aka single eyelids). I hate expensive over-hyped products that don't work. My female readers apparently dig my bewbs.

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