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Since my last blog post was surprisingly well-received, it’s like you guys are basically asking me to just ramble in half-conscious stupor. Is this what you want from me?! IS IT?!

So, let’s talk about what you do when someone comes up to you and you’ve been hanging out with this person with a mutual group of friends for a while now. You know just barely enough about each other to determine you like each other well enough to clink glasses together and share some beers and funny stories. And then, out of nowhere, she FINALLY ASKS the question that she’s obviously been DYING TO ASK.

“So, what are you?”

And you know exactly what she’s asking. She’s been careful enough not to ask you the moment she’s first laid eyes on you. Somehow America has upgraded the social rules in recent years to determine that making a “thing” of race too quickly is kind of taboo now. In fact, we’re all supposed to pretend that we don’t notice we’re obviously of different ethnicities. “You were black? I never noticed! Asian, really? I couldn’t tell at all because I just saw you as a shimmer of warm energy as I see everyone around me.”

So, that question, is fine. The question alone is fine. In fact, even before you had the chance to ask, I probably would have told you first because it’s something I strongly identify with.

It’s the fact that they find it SO IMPORTANT TO KNOW that makes me uncomfortable.

“I just think it’s something that makes you so interesting. I always ask my friends about their origins. I find it so interesting because it’s a huge part of who they are. It’s just my way of wanting to know you better.”

So, that makes me wonder. Am I not interesting if I don’t have an ethnic background to talk about? Is this something they demand to know of all of their other white peers? Do these people truly believe that everything about who they are mostly stems from their ethnic backgrounds?

And maybe it IS interesting for you because it’s so foreign and exotic to what you’re used to. However, to me, it’s about as intriguing as being born right-handed, having gone to public school in New York, having moved from state to state as many times as a military brat, having grown up watching Batman: the Animated Series and Saved by the Bell, having a journalist father and a devout Catholic mother and being allergic to tomatoes. A million other things make me who I am and a million other things make me “interesting”, not just my ethnic background.

I know I said that my ethnicity is something I strongly identify with but it’s certainly not the only thing. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been forced into a position where I have to strongly identify with it because I’m constantly reminded by the way others look at me that I’m somehow different.

It’s not that I don’t like my background or family history. I’m not ashamed of it. Yet, I don’t want this to be the only thing that matters about who I am. Unfortunately, too many times, I’ve had my identity whittled down to “Asian” or “Korean”. Everything about who I am is easily attributed to race or ethnicity. I even find myself doing this to myself and those around me. “Oh, yea. I’m cheap because I’m Asian. Yea, of course, I can eat spicy food. I’m Asian.”

And I need to stop doing this, too.

I like Korean food because I grew up eating Korean food, NOT because I’m Korean. I like Italian food, too.

I am very frugal and I like bargains because I grew up poor, NOT because I’m Asian. I also believe America has a big problem with hyper-consumerism and I know a lot of non-Asians agree.

I was good at math because I was good with numbers to begin with and my parents wanted me to be better at it, NOT because I’m Asian.

I take my shoes off at home because I grew up doing that and now it just seems dirty to wear shoes at home. It’s not because I’m Asian and I’m suddenly overcome with some uncontrollable NEEEEED to TAKE OFF MY SHOOOOES the moment I open my front door. “I’m hoom….OMG I NEED TO TAKE OFF MY SHOES MUST DOET NOW OR I WILL DIE”

To be clear, I am not angry with the people who insist on knowing “what I am” and “where I’m from”. Usually, they really are trying to know me better and they honestly think this would help. I give them a hard time about it when I’m in a particularly trollish mood but I quickly let them know I’m just teasing them and that we’re cool. I like to be better known for my trollish sense of humor than my ethnic identity. Joking with them like this wouldn’t work if they really were narrow-minded.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is this.
Asking me about my ethnic background is fine, but I’d like you to try to get to know other things about me, too.