I think it’s been over five years since my last visit in Korea. Around that time, just about every other young lady I met had either undergone cosmetic surgery or was saving up for a procedure. For a while, my mother was also planning on putting me under the knife to get my receding chin “fixed”. Her reasoning was that it would simply be putting my chin back where “it was supposed to be” before I “ruined it” with my nasty habit of resting my chin on my hands. Thankfully, that whole phase passed and she has agreed that I look perfectly fine without having to be cut apart against my wishes.
My mother wasn’t unique in her desires to have her daughter surgically “corrected”. This has become a growing trend in South Korea and maybe in many parts of Asia. Being a Korean woman seems to be a lifelong beauty pageant. A woman’s merit is heavily based on her looks and this also extends into the job industry, where applicants are required to submit photos with their resumes. People weren’t the most tactful about keeping comments to themselves, either. I recall my orthodontist commenting on the condition of my skin, which was reacting horribly to the change in environment. Here in the US, we’re taught to keep such thoughts to ourselves, so it was a bit of a surprise for me.
However, for the most part, I didn’t feel like Korean society was all that harsh in judging the looks of young women. I mean, sure, I thought that standards were a bit rigid and high, but it wasn’t as if anyone other than my mom was telling me I should get work done or I should lose weight. For the most part, I felt accepted and plenty of people seemed to find me attractive in spite of my small monolidded eyes and chunky brassy braces.
That was about five years ago. Now, I’m scared to go back because I’m hearing more and more horror stories about how much worse the superficiality and scrutinies have become. A beautiful and slender woman was miserable during her stay in Korea because her own doctor was criticizing her for being fat and ugly. A slim, modelesque young woman I know has recently returned from a brief trip and she came bearing stories of how everyone she met called her fat. The women I see on Korean television shows are freakishly thin that even their thighs are bowed.
After years of being exposed to such superficial-ism, after years of seeing sickly pale-faced skinny girls with surgically cut doe-eyes, my mother must have been sorely disappointed to come to the US and see me at my 127 lbs, windshield tan and itty-bitty eyes. Considering all this, I can’t quite blame her for initially thinking my physical state was problematic and that it was urgent to get me back on the race to be pretty with all those other girls.
Now I weigh around 140 and, being a stone’s throw away from turning 30, my metabolism has definitely slowed. It’s gotten to be more of a struggle to lose weight and I’m not all that frantic about it, either. It is only when I think I have to be in Korea soon, that I feel the pressure to lose the weight. I also wonder, even if I were to reach my desired goal weight of 125, would I still be overweight by Korean societal standards because I wouldn’t look like a starved child from a developing country?
I do hope that I’m being paranoid. Maybe some of my readers could share their stories. Have you been in Korea or anywhere else in Asia recently? What was your impression of the general standards of beauty there?
I am alienman. Writing a small blurb about myself is the hardest thing to do. "Blurb" is a funny word.
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Ack! I think it’s an Asian thing, period. There just isn’t a “filter” to what people say to spare feelings… last time I was in China, my hairstylist was cutting my hair, stopped, looked me directly in eye and said, “you’d be so beautiful, if your nose was just a little bigger and taller!” I guess the look I gave him scared the shit out of him, because the next thing he said was “… not that you’re not already really pretty.”
Another time I went bra shopping and I told the lady that I was looking for a thin, comfortable bra – not one with a lot of padding. She looked me up and down and said, “Why not? It’s not like you’ve got much up there anyway.” I turned around and walked out of the store. The next lingerie shop I stopped by, the saleswoman insisted on measuring me for a bra – halfway through the process she grabbed one of my boobs in her hand and squeezed a bit, and was like, “not bad!”
None of the above stories would have happened in America
Another friend of mine, a guy, was telling me at his latest family reunion his old uncle saw him for the first time and years, and the first thing out of his mouth was “look at how fat you’ve become! Hey, everyone, come look at him! He’s so fat!” (Though, the word used has a connotation of being “stocky/sturdy”, not really “wiggly jiggly obese.”)
(Speaking of bras, I just bought an amazing bra from Nordstrom Rack. It’s one of those seamless shaped pushup bras by Felina with the kind of microfiber fabric that glides over skin. It’s a PERFECT fit, incredible support, and makes my boobs look amazing. I could swear my boobs feel like they are being cupped by the divine hands of Zeus himself. Best part was that it was <$20! If there's one thing Asian technology hasn't caught up to yet, it's bra-making technology, I swear…)
I think what scares me is that even the women who seem VERY secure with themselves…go to Korea…and come back pencil thin.
I have seen a few in the past few years, either go for a temporary business transfer, or to teach English…
They come back and…they are completely different. Unfortunately with that physical change, they have been ‘brainwashed’ to think differently as well.
Though I would love to spend a year there to get to know Korea as well…
I guess that worries me. That me, at my weight, I might buckle, and be emotionally scarred by the ridiculous amount of people who might judge me randomly on the street.
(One of my friends, her friend went to korea. She’s about 5’8? and probably 140-150 and ppl apparently called her a monster on the street…random ppl… :T)
sigh…if only they could just mind their own business about things. I’ve come to be comfortable, so why do they need to agitate things?
THANK GOD your mom doesn’t think you need to lose weight!!
I think you look absolutely find the way you are!!
My mother is obsessed with plastic surgery–me, I’ve never had ANY!
I have no self-esteem when I visit Asia. I’m 5’4”, 120 pounds and yet my weight was ridiculed. If I ate less than normal, I’d get asked if I was on a diet. If I ate more than normal, I’d get told that I should lose weight. If I had to climb two sets of stairs, I’d get asked if I wanted to take a break halfway. If I had to buy clothes, the salesperson would make a remark about my thighs, wide hips, and go to the back of the store to find an Asian Extra Large (aka Medium in the US). It’s both amazing and sad to have self-confidence and then have it destroyed by a culture whose standard of beauty is angelababy. Things I would’ve never noticed are noticed: my calves are too big, my fingers are too fat and omfg my elbows have no shape to them. I even had one lady ask me when I’m going to fix my right eye, which is an “undesirable” monolid.
And the saddest thing is that no matter how beautiful you are there, you’ll still get judged.
Hrm… I’m living in Tokyo, and I suppose it helps that I’m a bit taller than average, as I don’t feel much pressure to change. I suppose that I’m maintaining my American mindset about weight, etc., and I still think the girls (and guys) here are on the overly-skinny side. They look like I could push them over with a finger.
I visited Korea a couple years ago – it probably helps that I don’t understand Korean, as I didn’t have any issues. However, I heard recently that a plump guy in Super Junior was saying that guys can be fat but girls can’t. Not a good sign
http://randomjpop.blogspot.com/2010/02/shindong-and-his-glass-house.html
Anyway, just focus on the yummy food and the fun shopping and karaoke
and say gth to all the rest. Come visit Tokyo if you get hassled in Korea!
Last time I went to korea was a good 4 years ago but I did notice that compared to 6 years before then when people said I was too skinny and would look so much better if I gained weight, it changed to people saying “ooh, she’s so slim! nalshinhae! but you would look better if you had paler skin.”
LOL
i wouldn’t stress too much about your trip to korea. once you’re back in the states, the rude and unnecessary comments won’t matter anymore! plus, when will you ever see those people again?
you’re such a delightful person inside and out; you should focus on your accomplishments compared to your peers in korea. how many of them are in debt for their plastic surgery, suffering from eating disorders, lost without direction, have never tasted yumm sauce, and have settled for less in their lives?
i always find it easier to pass the moment when i realize how silly they are. what’s it to them if i’m 20 lbs. lighter? i’m pretty sure my looks won’t affect their quality of life.
아름다운 al언니 걱정 마셈.
yikes, that’s terrible. I’m also dying to know what people have experienced when they went to Asia, because I’m going to China this summer (got the job!). My dad kept pestering me about how I should bring all my “designer” outfits and bling to Hong Kong because people judge you there. If you wear shabby clothes even to the supermarket, and you’re young, people talk about you behind your back or stare at you. It’s terrible..
Well you already know my experiences in Asia, so I’ll refrain from repeating them here. I think it all goes back to the Asian mentality of how you should be humble, there’s always room for improvement and how you should never think you are good enough. The people who told me I was fat or otherwise not aesthetically pleasing, told me not out of nastiness, but because they genuinely thought I needed to lose weight, get my nose fixed, get my eyes done, and get implants, in order to be “better”. I think the problem goes to what is considered “beauty” in Asia. In Western countries, we’re taught to love ourselves, accept ourselves for who we are, be proud of our achievements, and that we’re beautiful just as we are, this kind of mentality just does not exist in Asia.
I’m 25, I have 2 university degrees, I’m fluent in 5 languages, I have a great job, I take care of my parents financially, I live comfortably, I own half a condo and a car, all those achievements are unrecognised and instead what’s focused on is how I’m 25, unmarried, weigh more than 100lbs, barely fill a 32A bra, have a lazy eye, and no nose bridge.
Perhaps women who live in Asia are used to these “constructive criticisms”, my westernised brain was completely blown, and I think irreversibly damaged. I truly believe that I’m obese, despite what the doctor tells me, I am seriously considering surgical enhancements, it’s driving my bf insane, and if I ever go back to Asia, I am completely covering myself in huge black bag like garments.
I’m loving the lengthy comments today. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all meet up and just talk like this about these social issues? Please keep it coming!
Ann does bring up a good perspective on this. What’s it to them if I’m 20 lbs lighter? Now, if each person were offering me 10 bucks for every pound I lost, then I’d be happy to let every single one of them fuss over my weight. In the meantime, achieving a lanky boyish figure is not on my list of desired accomplishments.
And I do agree that there is the whole Asian mentality of being humble and always assuming you have room for improvement. However, when you’re criticizing other people more than your criticizing yourself, it stops being humble and just starts looking ugly. As harsh as she was, and as wrong as I believe it to be, I know it was my mother’s way of loving me that she wanted me to be “perfect” so that nobody else could criticize me. However, when her neighbor is going around talking shit about everyone else’s daughter and how ugly they all are compared to her own, it doesn’t look humble nor very loving.
nunu: My god, even my family would stop criticizing if I had 2 degrees, a steady job and taking care of my parents. I only have one degree, no job and have nothing to offer my family, so I’m considered fair game for the criticisms and put-downs ^^ v
Jamilla, the main reason my mom stopped telling me to lose weight was because she’s scared to say that anymore. Since I was little, she’d drag me out for hikes, runs and exercise. This is why I hate running now. She used to put me on diets and basically take me out for runs and walks like I was a pet dog. She would also slap my wrist in front of people at the dinner table and tell me to stop eating after I’d taken two bites. I never asked her to help and she never asked if I wanted help. She came, she saw and she conquered. It was humiliating how she’d address me this way in front of others. So, when she tells me now that I look fine and she only wants me to be healthy, the sad fact is that I don’t believe she means it.
kuri: omg I have heard some fugly fat-ass Korean guys criticizing and even HATING one women for being ugly or overweight. It’s as if they truly believe women who are overweight have no right to live. Seeing that post about the Super Junior kid got me all riled up, lol.
Hey girlie
you don’t need to worry about a thing. I may not be the most self-confident person in this world but the trend in Korea is changing a bit. Now, monolids are considered sexy and way more attractive then the regular cookie cutter double-lid eyes (nothing against them). Another thing is that having a little meat on your bones and having curves aren’t seen as a bad thing as long as you’re not hurting your health. I think most asians are born with slender bodies to begin with. I on the other hand am not and I embrace that. I’m 5’4 and weigh 130 lbs. It’s my normal weight but I’m on the curvy side for a typical Korean girl. You seem like a pretty voluptuous girl yourself. Keep your head up because no many girls in Korea can have a voluptuous body. By the way most normal Korean girls aren’t pretty, it’s just the celebrity fad. Most of them get a lot of help from make up and things. Just have fun in Korea and enjoy it! I hope I can go sometime <3
OMG! You’re describing my mother!! She was appalled when I could fit into a 34DD bra (blame the German side of the family for that one!). Even when I was a normal weight, she always thought that I was too fat and told my brother than she was ashamed to be seen with me. Interestingly enough, everyone says that I’m so much more attractive than my mother
Can’t win for losing.
I still work out, but like you said, it’s not my goal in life to be a flat-chested adolescent boy. My English other half prefers that I look like a woman and thinks that those mal-nutritioned looking women on Asian TV need a good meal or two!
I’ve lived for extended periods of time in China and Japan, and although all east asian countries are pretty critical when it comes to what makes a woman beautiful, Korea is probably the worst about it. I am honestly worried about Korean society’s obsession with appearances. I feel like it’s spinning more and more out of control, especially with the rise in popularity of korean entertainment’s surgically enhanced stars. I visited my gma in seoul last summer and I dunno, just the overall attitude koreans have towards physical appearance is pretty damn disturbing. Lol I actually remember watching an infomercial on TV one night, advertising some kind of pill that helps you lose weight. Rather than approach the subject with “gain confidence” or “get healthy” approach, it was more along the lines of “fat girls aren’t worthy of living”. They had some example scenario with a hardly chubby girl crying over the fact that her boyfriend dumped her/couldn’t get a job because she wasn’t skinny enough. She eats the pills, drops 10kg, and voila men want her! I was talking to my cousin about it, and she said that girls feel an immense amount of pressure to fit into that cookie cutter category of what Koreans consider beautiful – very thin, very pale, high nose, big “clear” eyes, etc etc. It’s pretty shitty – makes me all the more glad I don’t live there.
those people kinda piss me off.
my friend went to korea for her uncle’s wedding and they asked what was wrong with her face.
I think what needs to be changed is the perception of beauty, why is there such a preoccupation with cookie cutter looks? why is the emphasis not on health, and proportionality? We’re not even born with that kind of facial structure for heaven’s sake! why are monolids considered a disability? almost a disfigurement! I have absolutely no problem with surgery if it’s to fix a physical disfigurement. But why this need to make perfectly healthy, natural girls believe that they are ugly and no one will want them unless they modify themselves?
Hey, maybe I’m just easily brainwashed, but I definitely do not have the same confidence as my Caucasian friends, and I can’t help but think that it’s a result of what my relatives drill into me.
I went to China last summer, and I swear every girl was sporting stiletto heels… while hiking, or going up the Great Wall! WTH?! I was rocking my ugly ass sport sandals, but I was comfortable and I was enjoying myself.
I went there mostly for travel, so I didn’t encounter much “you are fat”-mentality from store girls. Maybe it helped that my white boyfriend was there, so they knew I was foreign and likely to spend money… I don’t know. I definitely feel not as pretty or tarted up as a lot of girls my age in China, but then I feel really good about myself because I have higher self esteem and get to live in Canada/US!
I’ve never been to Korea, but I do imagine the pressure there is worse. I guess your best bet is to exude confidence, and agree with comments other people say (albeit ironically XD) without letting it get to you. It is pretty scary how many people get cosmetic surgery in Asia.. it’s like, impossible to know what your kids will look like with another person O_O
Hi, longtime lurker, but I never felt as compelled to comment until this post. I always liked you and your blog because you are very open about the fact that you don’t fit into the ideal Korean image, but you look good and you make it work! I’m sorry to read that your mom acted the way she did and said the things she said to you. I can understand the hardass Asian parenting mindset she probably had, but … :\
I’m glad that I was never close to my relatives who live in Korea, and that my parents were pretty Americanized and never pressured me much to change myself (well besides a couple years where they made me get my Asian fro straightened until it sorted itself out into actual curls). Any pressure to get bigger eyes, be paler, be skinnier… I only felt that after I started looking at websites for help on makeup in high school! I can easily name a few girls from HS who got eyelid surgery, or a nose job. And I know tonnsss more here at college, where there’s a large Asian population.
I can’t say I’m immune to any desire to want bigger eyes (I used eyelid glue in hs to get small double eyelids :O I still can’t decide if I regret it or not for many reasons), or an actual nose, or smaller face, or smaller thighs, paler skin, etc etc. I cope by avoiding kpop websites mostly, and by having a good group of friends. Also, I just stopped giving a hoot about what people think of me, because living my life for other people doesn’t make me a happy girl haha.
Ok this comment’s longer than I wanted, but bottom line is, I think you’re incredibly pretty and funny and talented! You don’t need to listen to a nation of strangers nitpick at what they think is wrong with you, because they won’t ever be satisfied >:O
Ok, I don’t need to go back home to get castrated about my look. My aunts and uncles in the U.S already did a good job about it. No matter how much I achieve academically, there’s always something they can criticize about me: weight, relationship, education (too much of it, at this point!), etc.
Really, it’s not about your weight/education/lack or excess of boyfriends/financial status that they criticize. It’s about something inside of them that they are insecure and hence, vent out on you. It’s a type of emotional bullying that women are doing to each other in order to feel good about themselves. Remember when Britney lip syched on MTV Awards? Well, it was a train wreck of a performance but what people talked the day after that was how fat she was. And most of them were not even Asians!
So, if you decide to lose weight, do it for all the right reasons. Do it for you, Alienman!
HUH What’s wrong with your chin?! I don’t see anything….. I’ve always contemplated getting my hooded lids fixed tough. Especially since one eye is more droopy then the other…
But I realized from watching all the Korean stuff, that eyes, nose, & chins, are the most common procedures done by the celebrities now. Even the men! It’s like pretty much EVERYONE had something done.
Oh jeez we really are the same… lol I range from 138 – 143lbs… But you don’t even look that big! You look damn skinny to me!
Hi alienman! I recently started reading your blog and even though I’m a bit younger than you (I’m a jr in high school), I really enjoy your blog. I’m Korean too (a somewhat-white-washed fob, haha) so I can connect to a lot of things you have to say.
I don’t think you should be worried. Idk if it’s just my family and friends, but whenever I go to Korea, I don’t have a problem at all. Now I’ve never really been called “pretty” in Korea… with my tan skin and small, monolid eyes and flat nose and all, but no one really criticizes me for being the way I am.
There are more kind people there than the mean judgmental ones.
Plus the “rudeness” in Korea, most of the time, is the sign of friendliness. I think it’s more of the culture thing. It doesn’t make sense in American mindset. My friends never understand when I try to explain a lot of my family members call me ugly almost as a term of endearment. 
how do other asian women, NOT from the US stay so thin??? Do they just starve themselves??
Man, no wonder the suicide rate is so high n Korea..
Who cares what people think of you? As long as you feel beautiful, and love who you are…what other people think is as valuable..as…nothing.
How is everyone calling u ugly a term of endearment in korean culture? yea i dont get it…someone please explain.
Korea is a shallow, shallow place where even the tiniest of girls (5 ft. tall and barely 90 lbs) stopped eating and told me :I’m on a diet…I need to lose THIS” and proceeded to try and grab arm fat that wasn’t even there…
My only saving grace is that I look “American” with big eyes and full lips so I got the “You don’t have the perfect body but at least you have a pretty face…” it was hard to deal w. at first but I did come home a lot thinner b.c you really have no choice~
I don’t think Taiwan’s beauty standards are as strict as Korea’s, but here’s my tidbit. I never thought I was fat until I went to Taiwan (not recently, full disclosure) and tried some clothes on, and needed a Taiwanese medium. This is HUGE to them. When I told the salesperson I needed a bigger size, his face became twisted with a mix of shock and disgust. I walked out of the store without buying a thing and felt horrible for about five minutes. I’m 5’5″ and go between 115-120 lbs, I eat what I like to eat and as much as I want to eat, I go running, and I’m a nice toasted wheat color from being under the sun. Normal and healthy for an American girl–completely out of whack in Taiwan. And that’s it, really; I’m American, not Taiwanese, and definitely not the ideal “Asian beauty.” I don’t think I’ll ever belong in either Taiwan or China, but that’s fine. I am who I am. And you are who you are! Look at yourself in the mirror and love what you see. Even if everyone in Korea criticizes your every crevice, just remember that that person in the mirror is the only person you have to worry about disappointing. At the end of the day, that’s the person we all return to when we’re out of society’s eyes. Have fun in Korea!
I don’t think it’s just Korea, I would say Asia in general.
Being chinese born Canadian I was basically born into western society. I didn’t start feeling fat until I cracked open a Hong Kong magazine where the “before” photos are of girls at 115lbs!!
My friend told me in highschool that I should take the western “ideal” weight chart and minus about 15lbs to find the “ideal” weight for asians. I’ve overheard Hong Kong guys talking about how much thinner their girlfriends are than other guys. My cousins girlfriend was bulimic and my aunt used to be openly jealous of how they can throw up their food to stay skinny.
Nicole Richie would be considered obese according to Asian standards.
It’s harsh but just try to ignore it. WE THINK YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL and that is ALL THAT MATTERS!
Besides, how beautiful are the people who are going around calling other people fat?
Stupid.
I think all of Asia in general have become really superficial over the years. I know for sure Japan is just like that as well, just looking through the magazine alone can tell you that artificial looking girls are the standard of beauty. I know that American society feeds us these images of super skinny glamazons, but I think it’s way worse in Japan. I haven’t been around very many Asians where I live, but the few girls I encounter who are actually from Japan are always painfully thin and they complain about how fat they are! Most of them are usually under 110 lbs…so then I begin to wonder what they think of my 145 lbs. body! I must be equivalent to Java the Hut over there lol…I know for a fact that they don’t even sell my size (8-9) in regualr Japanese clothing stores. It’s not only about weight, but this whole manufactured look that so many girls in Japan and the rest of Asia strive for is so disturbing. It’s like they’re all robotic dolls, everyone has to look a certain way to be accepted….so sad. I hope that I haven’t discouraged you, but I hope that you have a good time in Korea and who cares if anyone gives you shit! You know that you are much better than that and you are truly beautiful inside and outside and that’s a rare combination these days
I was writing a lengthy reply when my damn browser crashed. Damn you, Safari! Probably a good thing, or you would’ve had to read a novel.
I guess what I want to say is that perhaps the problem with Asians, especially Koreans, is that we are expected to feel SHAME. Nobody explains it to you, but you just know that you should feel ashamed. Maybe that’s why we constantly belittle each other. To this day, I can’t accept a compliment (if I accept it at all) without cringing. I wonder when I’ll ever feel comfortable with myself.
And I guess the really f***ed up thing is, as I’m writing this reply, I’m recovering from eyelid surgery. I haven’t spoken to my parents in years, but I still carry a sense of guilt, shame, and self-hatred with me. Sometimes I want to call my mom, but I know every conversation would end with something ridiculous like “don’t go to the bathroom by yourself in public,” because if I did, I would surely get kidnapped or something horrible. I know you can relate to such controlling ways. I thought I could live my life the way I wanted if I cut off ties with them but I think they still control me somehow. I know my post sounds like it’s written by a 13-year-old, but I’m actually 25. And I don’t know how you found the courage to put your foot down with your mom, but I respect your for that.
It helps to read your posts and everyone’s replies. So Alienman, I love you. And please don’t ever stop writing.
Ann, being called “ugly” is almost an endearment because I know they don’t mean it. Traditionally, Koreans always gave derogatory names to precious children because they thought if they called them with too-good names, devils would get jealous and take the child away from them. That’s why names like dog-poo were common in ancient times. No one certainly names his child “dog-poo” nowadays, but the concept of it still lives on in the culture.
Frankly, I really don’t think it’s that bad in Korea. It does seem like people are getting shallower, but not to the point that people will call you flat-out ugly. People aren’t going to judge you just because you don’t have huge eyes and S-line body. Not everyone there is super skinny, and not everyone is so obsessed with looks either. Everyone here seems like they had bad experiences in Korea, but… that definitely isn’t the only side of Korea. Oh, and monolids are actually becoming really popular, thanks to Yu-Na Kim! Hahaha.
I really don’t understand all the social stigma with being a “little” overweight or not looking perfect by bearing major resemblance to a barbie doll. To be honest, I think Korean women are gorgeous, but then the bf reminded me that all my references for these women are from television and that the majority of these women actually have had surgically enhanced features. HUM BUG! We shouldn’t have to put labels on people, such that if you’re over 100lbs, you’re fat. If you have a flat nose, and tiny eyes, you’re ugly. So what are you suppose to do if you meet every criterion as described above?! By having plastic surgery it doesn’t change the fact that you’re children are still going to have the same unfortunate genes =___=. But, my point is, I don’t think people should feel that a flat nose or tiny eyes should automatically be deemed as “ugly”.
I know there is pressure to conform to what society wants, but if one cannot love what they are born with, they’ll make themselves vulnerable and a easy target for others to manipulating into thinking they are worth nothing. Also, when has being thin/pretty become a cultural norm in Korea… (actually I take that back since I’m guessing probably more than 50% of the people in Korea probably don’t look like what they should….). I love and embrace being asian, but I am weary that females and males in Asia are influenced to think that what they originally had is not good enough.
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of months after following you here from the asian_beauty lj community, and thought this would be a good time to lose my commenting-on-your-blog virginity
Anyway, I’ve never been to Korea although I do enjoy watching kdramas now and then so I am somewhat familiar with the height/weight proportions of Korean celebrities at least. I haven’t read all of the comments on this post, so apologies if this has already been canvassed before, but I am hoping you know a Korean celebrity by the name of Lee Hyori? If not, I think she is what most would consider the ‘sex kitten’ of Korea because she has curves. (I don’t even think she’s all that curvy, but I guess compared to all the malnourished stick insect figures of other celebs, she’s pretty meaty) Anyway, her proportions are something like 5’5 and 45 kg (sorry, I’m Australian… but Google thinks that equals approx 99lb). When said proportions were revealed to the Korean public, there was a collective gasp from everyone, who proceeded to chide her for being ‘too fat’. In fact, the ‘perfect’ proportion was apparently another celeb (whose name I can’t recall) who was around 5’9 and 40kg (sorry… 88lb).
It’s not any better with other Asian celebs either. Because I am ethnically Chinese, I do tend to follow Chinese/Taiwanese stars a bit more since I can understand what they are saying. One of my favourite Taiwanese stars is Rainie Yang, who is around 5’3 and weighs about 45kg normally. But every time she gets ready to star in a TV show/release a new album (which is probably about 5 months out of every year), she would be forced to lose at least 5kg (er… 11lb?) by the director/her manager/her agent/the record company. And she said (in her latest book, but in a matter of fact way) that she can lose that much and more in less than a month, because she just doesn’t eat. In fact, she doesn’t eat to the point where she faints everyday. It’s just so… WRONG!
(Incidentally, it’s also not any easier for men. My favourite Taiwanese male star is a man who I think is insanely attractive and has a six pack and enviable muscles, but I just watched an interview where he said that to get ready for filming he would not eat for at least a whole month and work out ridiculously everyday. At which point I just felt sick. How are these people still ALIVE?!?!)
Er… sorry this is so long, but I’m in a bit of a rant mood as this sort of thing really distresses me also! One of the last times I was in China, my proportions were about 5’1 and 38kg/83lb (not because I constantly dieted, but because I was 20 and had a ridiculously awesome metabolism). Anyway, I apparently had a very ‘enviable’ figure (although I was ‘too short’) until I went to buy a bikini and the sales girl burst into the changeroom while I was buck naked, and said something along the lines of ‘oh, you don’t look as fat with clothes on’. I was so shocked I couldn’t speak.
(Now that I am 26 and weigh 48kg/105lb, I guess I’m obese??)
But aside from the weight taunts, I also get things like ‘oh, you have such a pretty face, too bad you’re too short, otherwise you’d be perfect’, ‘your face is quite nice but it’s a bit too big isn’t it?’, ‘you really need to wear makeup and get a better hairstyle to hide all your flaws’, ‘your butt is a bit too big, like elephant’, (when they find out I’m dating a white man) ‘OH! I guess Westerners have a different sense of Asian beauty and don’t really notice if an Asian woman is short and fat huh? At least you have a nice face I guess’, ‘you should eat less, your waistline looks like a pregnant lady’s’ (my mum actually says this sometimes).
But my FAVOURITE is, wait for it…
‘Whoever did your eyelid surgery cut it a bit too wide, it doesn’t look natural’
(But I actually have natural double eyelids)
I am really happy to be living in the Western world actually. Even though eating disorders/obsessions with looks is quite rife, especially among young girls, there are still many people (especially strong female role models) who encourage and empower women to love their bodies, whatever size or shape. In Asia, if you don’t look like a prepubescent boy/praying mantis, then you need to get on the treadmill and start fasting until you do. And it’s just such an unfortunate culture to be steeped in.
I always hesitate before opening a discussion like this because I wonder if this is something that should be splayed open in public domain, where it could lead to much controversy. Reading your comments, however, makes me realize that I do not give you guys enough credit, nor do I give you guys enough opportunity to open up the way you have in this particular blog entry.
I am completely and utterly grateful that you have taken the time to write such lengthy comments. Thank you for sharing your experiences; many of them could not have been easy to disclose. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s not easy to speak of our Asian societal issues in this critical light and, in some of our homelands, we would even be thrown out or banned for our honesty.
Good questions and inputs from everyone, particularly that of “culture” and whether those of us who have been separated from a cultural setting are just reacting differently to such norms because we’re simply not used to it. This reminds of me of when I was visiting a friend in Korea and I was shocked at how she would often call me “stupid”. I got pissed and told her I’d appreciate it if she stopped insulting me. My father overheard this and reassured me that friends and family often used such words as terms of endearment and not as insults.
So, does this mean that people don’t carry foul intentions when pointing out the flaws in others? Does my aunt REALLY think I should get plastic surgery, or does she merely speak this way because that’s how families show they care? Does the store owner get a sick sense of self-validation when she points out your wide hips, or is this her way of trying to achieve a personal relationship with you?
Yet, none of this changes the fact that, as Li just mentioned, female celebrities at 5’5″ are considered overweight at 100 lbs. Women who lose weight as a drastic measure to retain shallow men are praised for their devotion (does this stem from a long-time value in filial piety?).
While I have nothing but respect for women who decided FOR THEMSELVES to undergo plastic surgery, I cannot help but wonder if there isn’t something wrong when an entire society puts the pressure on throngs of young women, as young as high school students, to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. This isn’t reserved just for rich girls, either. Women do this because they KNOW companies would rather hire prettier girls (I’ve mentioned this before but employers require applicants to submit photos). It appalls me that nobody in Korea is appalled at the fact that mothers are telling their daughters to have their faces cut open.
And underlying all of this, I think there’s something more than just media influence or western superficial values having peaked in Asia. Korea is a highly patriarchal society that still regards women as commodities, where being born a woman has long been considered a disadvantage. It seems like a man and a woman could make the same 100 mistakes and the man would be forgiven for far more. We could see this in how sons are treated vs daughters within the same families. In fact, maybe it’s not necessarily “prettiness” that is being pressured upon women here. Maybe it’s “marketability” in the marriage market.
But, wow, this just goes to a whole new can of worms, doesn’t it. I’ll stop rambling for now.
I’ve always wanted to visit Korea, but now, I’ll have to think about it. =(
HII ALIENMAN!!
Now not only do I stalk you on facebook and your blog, I sometimes stick a camera to Bella to watch you MUAHAHA. Ok I kid. I will be serious now because this topic is serious business.
My mom used to tell me I was fat all the time, till I became skinny then I was too thin.
It was embarassing that I was fat (to be fair I was at least 10kg overweight for my height) to my mom who till now remains the “ideal” “asian” beauty. My mom is tall, thin with a boyish figure, very fair, big big eyes with a double eyelid and thick wooshy hair. You know what I mean by wooshy hair, the thick lustrous kind? Cept now she dyes it dark to hide the greys and it’s shoulder length now. I’m tanned, and short (next to her), with more asiatic eyes (I still have a double eyelid but I also have heavy and kind of.. er plump? lids) and wavy hair thats prone to frizz, BUT I TAME THAT HAIR I TAME IT. When we went out grocery shopping sometimes people would ask if I was her maid. yeah…
I wasn’t criticised per se for being tanned, but I always met people who did this “WHERE ARE YOU FROM??!!!” when I was back home in Malaysia, I now live in Australia but that’s another story. I get stoped by immigration officers back in malaysia all the time and when I show them my passport I always get gasps or confused looks and the question “OH! You’re MALAYSIAN!1??!?!?111″
Does it count that I am discriminated against because I don’t have an asian look that can be suitably or easily placed? Everywhere in Asia I go, I get the same reaction, everyone assumes I must be from their country or another country because I have no distinctive features. I’m either fair or tanned (I tan easily with the sun but I also lose colour pretty fast) i’m neither short nor tall nor average (depends on the country, in japan I was considered tall, in Malaysia i’m average, in australia i’m short even among the asians) , i’m neither fat nor thin (again depends on which country) my hair is either unmanageable and MUST BE CHEMICALLY STRAIGHTENED or ooo so nice and wavy! This sounds all nice and neutral but because they’re not sure where i’m form or can’t place me, a lot of asians in asia don’t like me, especially the women, geez women can be mean. There’s a line from a movie where someone says “I don’t understand you and I don’t like what I cannot understand, therefore I do not like you”
ANYWAY to round this whole thing up. Everyone has their own reasons for discriminating. Talking about the way people look is just the easiest fallback. It’s the easiest way to pass judgement. I’m more sick of people poking at me for not being able to place me than anything else and how my looks are either great or horrific, there’s no in between. I will never be considered an “ideal” beauty anywhere because I don’t belong anywhere not even in my home country. That’s more scary to me that I have no visual identity than anything else.
Have I gone off topic?
oh just for reference cuz I realised that I made zero sense when I say things like “i’m neither short nor tall”, “neither fat nor thin” bla bla
i’m 5’5 , i’m about 50kg/110lbs which is confusing because that’s not considered light in asia.. but I have a 22 inch waist :\ and I wear a C-D cup. When I wear a minimiser bra or a bra or outfit that “flattens” or hides my chest, I am “thin” when my bust is more obvious i am “fat”, when I wear loose pants, I am “thin” when I wear tight pants I am “fat”. My eyes are either big or small, depending on the person looking at me, my nose is either high or flat, OH GOD I MUST STOPPP
FML I just can’t get ANYTHING RIGHT CAN I.
Solbee: hahahah, really? Oh sh*t I didn’t know that, but it’s just making me laugh cause it sounds so silly. Now I think I know why my mom always called me ugly when I was a baby. ): I asked her why she did that and she kind of explained to me that it was like a term of endearment…but I didn’t believe her, haha! Thanks for clarifying though. It’s kind of interesting, but I don’t know why I keep laughing about it.
Women in particular are very strong. We have to go through so much sh- .. turd. We get our menstrual cycle, pregnant, menopause, and the list goes on. Its mentally and physically draining. And the way we were brought up thinking that skinny is beautiful. And I don’t think I’d ever meet Koreas ‘ideal woman.’
I mean women are supposed to have curves. How else are we going to have babies. Oh that reminds me, i was watching Jessica Simpson’s new show, For the Price of Beauty and they went to a foreign country. I think it was somewhere in South Africa.. And they stayed with this specific tribe and their views on beauty is totally different. Months before the wedding these women are put into fattening huts and basically they just stay there drinking tubs of herbal milk. Men there find it ATTRACTING when a woman has lots of junk in the trunk. I found it refreshing.
Hello. This is the first entry of yours that I’ve read and I felt compelled to reply because I’m currently living in Korea. But also, I’ve always been interested in social/cultural such as self image. I’m not Korean, nor am I Asian in any way; I am Nigerian but born and raised in nyc. Having grown up in such a diverse city, coming to a country such as a Korea to live has definitely been ‘different’ because it’s the most homogeneous country I’ve every visited. The superficial mindset is definitely noticeable in the sense that the typical thin-pale, overly cute female is the face/body that graces most tv and print ads. I’m sure that the pressure to conform is higher in the major cities but in the less populated regions, the people have other priorities (so I’d like to hope). The obsession with looks is so intense that one day sitting in a restaurant I saw two girls who were there with each other simultaneously doing their make up: blush, eye shadow, eyeliner … the whole nine make-up yards. Mind you, they had make-up on before starting. It made me a little sad because I don’t think that anybody that spends that much time on one’s outward appearance can have much time left to work on the inside.
Indeed, other people have commented to the effect that maybe part of the problem stems from a skewed perception of beauty — one that holds Euro-centric looks in the highest regard. Standards of beauty are definitely different in parts of the world for example, I remember my mother telling me stories from her youth in Nigeria where girls would be sent to ‘fattening rooms’ prior to marriage in order to make her look presentable for her husband. The logic was that if the girl looked plump, it meant that her parents could afford to buy meat and in turn, feed her properly. It was also an indirect representation of the kind of wife she would be. Did you want a weak woman by your side or one that could hold her own when situations became a little thick? That was and to a degree still is the mindset of Nigeria if not many parts of Africa. Men want meat and that’s the kind of environment (both family and even non-Nigerian/African friends) that has shaped my mind and body image. Of course with the British and their colonization of Nigeria came a change in our classic notions of beauty, suddenly, it was more becoming and ‘lady-like’ to be thin and the deadlier one: light skinned; not the translucence that Asian countries strive for but a complexion that was unnaturally lighter than anything we’d ever been born with. This mentality has given way to pockets of people who are willing to bleach their skin with the most harmful of chemicals in a desperate attempt to attain a beauty that will forever remain just out of their grasp. I can see that similarity here in Asia and being brown and having hips and meat on my body is the double threat of the millennium for most of them. Walking down the street, I see so many rail thin girls here and just because of my upbringing, I don’t feel any compulsion to become that. Rather, I get a little nauseous when I see girls whose thighs DON’T touch. I start to wonder about their nutrition and if they have sufficient body weight to bear children. I start to wonder where it will end and what the perceptions of beauty will do to the little children I see now.
Since I don’t understand Korean, I can’t tell if nasty remarks have been made but I will relate one incident from a girl a few years younger than me. She had just come from one of her classes and I asked her which one, it turned out she was taking a dieting class — an actual class for credits in whatever Korean university she attends. Of course, I was a bit shocked first because looking at her, she would be an average weight in the States. But of course, we’re not in the States. I asked her why she was taking the class and how she would even get a grade. She told me her mom thought she was fat and obviously, she now thinks the same and the goal was to lose 10kg (22 lbs) by the end of the semester. If she doesn’t achieve that, she fails. The fact that this kind of class isn’t illegal says something about the country and the weight they have attached to looks. But on the flip side, I ask myself, how would many of these girl who are so programmed to care so much about looks fare if they came to America where yes, we care about looks but also brains? My guess is not very well. That thought alone is enough to make me nod and move on.
I find that we come from a country that is about confidence building and you, at this point in your life probably have more than enough to hold you over for your trip to Korea. I don’t know if you’re already here yet or how long you’ll stay but as long as YOU are comfortable with you, you already have more than many of the plastic, dissatisfied people walking around this country.
Take care =]