I got nothing but dumb stories to tell.

I fell asleep watching TV on the bf’s lap and, as with all daydreams, I had a pretty irritating one.

I’m traveling or something with my family and cousin and we stop at this supermarket out in the boonies.

The people who work there are total rednecks and my cashier is this complete redneck dimwit who can’t even ring up merchandise right. I think I’m on guard the whole time b/c I’m wary of redneck types and how racist they can be.

I hand him a $50 and he peers at it, then chucks it into the trash.

I start blowing up at him, screaming, “WTF Why would you do that?!”

He must have expected me to just be meek and sheepish about it, so it’s he who is sheepish and fishes the 50 back out.

Then he’s ringing up everything all wrong and saying I owe him a ridiculous amount on top of the $50. On the contrary, I’m supposed to get a huge chunk of change from the 50 I gave him.

Again, I’m yelling at him and demanding to see the receipt. Then, I take a calculator and proceed to do the math myself. Of course, this is all a dream, so the buttons on the calculator are little stickers in the shape of hamburgers and clouds.

The manager, a middle-aged woman who appears to be sweet, comes along and asks if she might help. She proceeds to void the previous transaction, then suddenly leans into my face and hisses, “You want to play around here?! You trying to mess with me?”

I refuse to be intimidated and yell out loud, “What is your problem?! I’m not here for fun. I want to get out of here even more than you want me out of here but I’m not going to let you guys rob me!”

She then condescendingly runs her hand through my hair.

I swipe her hand away and hiss, “Don’t you ever touch me!”

“Sorry”

I woke up to my boyfriend’s hurt-filled apology and realized I was still on his lap. After seeing how I was twitching and squirming so much in my sleep, he worriedly stroked my hair. I had swiped his hand away and said “don’t touch me” out loud.

It was so cute how he was butt-sore about it for the rest of the day.

In other news:

I was over at my cousin’s house, hanging out with my nieces, when I spotted an empty paper bag sitting open on the floor with the mouth folded down.

“What’s going on with this paper bag?” I asked my four-year old niece.

“IT’S FOR WHEN I VOMIT!” she said, then took the paper bag and held it to her little face, pretending to vomit into it. “PWEH TWEH TWEH TWEH PWEH!!”

Related posts:

1. another white hair scare