when i made it my own job to draw that line to define my parents’ ability to intrude upon my life, i was scared and unsure of how things would end up between us. now, i feel like it was a great decision on my part. i feel like it’s improved my relationship with my parents in the long run.

i do hope you find the same peace with your family soon.

you take care and whoever is up there for you looks out after you.

Unable to handle my mother’s disillusioned accusations, vocal threats and abuse,
I moved out for the first time when I was 20. Up until then she has called me every
name in the book, including ‘slut’ and ‘thief’. I had quit school, had to work full-time
and had a dead-beat boyfriend. I got myself into a lot of trouble, but I refused to
go back to my family.

Fast-forward two years, I moved back home, but only for two or three months.
My mom hadn’t changed at ALL. So I move out again, this time I moved in with my
friend from high school for a year. I was always broke and hungry.
Desperate for a better life, one year later, I ended up marrying my boyfriend at the time
(who was also no good and dumb) and moved to SD. I REFUSED to live with my mother again.
It was my only way out. Of course that didn’t go well. After brushes with the law,
and calls made to women’s shelters, I decided to give up and move back to Tokyo…but then my father had passed away, along with the buffer between my mother and I.
My mother and I fought on a daily basis, mostly her blaming me for my father’s death,
and how I brought shame to the family for coming back.

So…I left again. I completely stopped talking to my mother, didn’t bother telling her
where I lived or with whom. A year passed without calls, e-mails or any form of contact.
My boyfriend and I realized that a lot of my pain and anger was rooted deep in
the fact that a fundamental relationship in my life was missing. He encouraged
me to start talking to my mother again. It took me at least two months to e-mail
my mother hello.

This year has been a year of improvements filled with happy tears for me.
My mother has finally realized that she needs to start being a nicer person,
and to begin being that way with her own daughters. Though she still has her days
where she says irrational things and makes my sisters cry, she’s a different person.
She’s happier, and has realized that she made some serious mistakes while raising me.

I recently moved back in with her,and so far, it’s the best choice I’ve made in a long time.
I am afraid that our relationship will turn sour again or she’ll betray me, but I remain
hopeful (not sure if that’s the correct word to use in this context) that
she’ll remain fair and happy.

Girl, you are lucky. Don’t wallow in pity. It will only hurt you.
You have a man that loves you to death, and has seen and supported you
in your darkest hours. You are (relatively) healthy. You have the
opportunity to go back to school. There is so much hope and success
waiting in front of you!!! Although I don’t know you, I’m cheering you on.
Try being indifferent towards your family’s craziness, and keep
limiting the time you spend with them.

Sorry this got extremely long, but I want you to know that you are not
alone. My relationship with my boyfriend ended recently, and I am still learning
and trying to improve myself everyday. I turn to books by Anthony Robbins (corny!),
blogs and trustworthy friends for solace. Talking to my mother every evening
about mundane, silly things helps too.

I don’t wish for you to make ammends with your family any time soon. I just
hope will be able to move on with YOUR own life and education.
Crap, I’m 26, and I plan on going back to school in 2010! I’ll be the oldest
person in my classes (T__T)

Thank you for sharing your essays. They mean a lot to me, I see myself and
my struggles in them too. I wish you the best of luck BIG HUGS!

Daughter of Asia indeed!

I do exactly what you do, distance myself from her. I still have major issues in life because of my experiences but I’ll take the time to learn. I’m still years behind all my peers in terms of self knowledge because I spent most of my childhood just surviving but I’ll take the time to learn.

At the end of the day our parents are the only ones we have and although they have no right to claim us as their own (because we are our own person) they do have the right to make mistakes.

I’m glad your relationship is still salvaged. I see so many children disown their parents only to place themselves in a life of bitterness and misery. You have learned to let go and move on. There are very few people who are able to truly understand this.

Good for you sweetheart Continue moving on.

Love ya mah twin!

And I agree, I’m sure you’re parents aren’t bad as it seems written out like that. I know if I described my parents, some would probably think they’re insane, controlling lunatics! My mom might be better described positively as overly protective, lol.