Cleansers that can Kiss My Ass: Garnier Nutritioniste Nutri-Pure Detoxifying Cream Cleanser

Second in line to this week’s series of cleanser-bashing is:

Garnier Nutritioniste Nutri-Pure Detoxifying Cream Cleanser

Clearly, your name is much too long for your own good. I trusted you because I thought you had a decent hair care line. However, the only means, by which you live up to the standards that Fructis has set, is smelling like it… and the bottle looking too much like the styling gel we happen to have by the same exact company.

The scent is too heavy, first of all. The look and consistency of the product, combined with the fruity smell, made me freak out, thinking I was using their styling wax by accident. Like I said before, even the tubes look exactly alike and I’ve grabbed the wrong one to the shower on a few occasions.

Clearly, this product is patronizing me by pretending to do my mind great justice. First, it encourages the assumption that I always read the labels before reaching for the right product, thereby avoiding the chaos of slathering hair wax on to my already acne-prone face. Then, it expects me to remember the entire length of its name.

Are you fucking kidding me? Your cleanser doesn’t even “detoxify” so give us all a break and cut the name in short. So, this brings us to the most important point, which I should have gotten to at the beginning of all this needless rambling.

See, I’ll give it this much credit. This stuff works better than Cetaphil in the dirt/makeup removal department. That’s why I thought it was working well. My standards had stooped so low with the use of Cetaphil. I did not have to rely on other products to remove all the makeup and dirt from my face, but I did have to use TWO applications of Garnier each time I washed my face. Otherwise, my toner-soaked cotton ball would find residue. After you rinse from the first wash, you have to apply and wash a second time to be completely cleansed.

Then, I tried a sample by Shiseido. Then I thought, well, maybe I can’t expect a cleanser to be THIS effective in cleansing unless it’s a high end brand. Then, I tried Biore and Aveeno. Then, I realized Garnier Nutritioniste Nutri-blabalblablablablabla was utter crap, but only less so than Cetaphil.

You get a C, Garnier, but it’s a C+ because I like how you make my boyfriend smell all fruity at nighttime. I also have to consider that you never made me break out, nor have I ever felt too dry after use, but I don’t feel generous enough to raise you another grade, so I’ll make it a C++.