A delightful gift came in the mail last week. Free pr0n!

mmmmm, bewbez
Actually, it’s an original ink painting done by Klaudea of Lemon Pie.
Klaudea had selected me as a winner of her recent Valentine’s Day giveaway, for Most Inspirational Female Blogger. As a prize, I received this beautiful ink painting. It looks more like it deserves to be hung in a wealthy art collector’s loft than in our humble abode.

Most Inspirational! Me! I am still having a hard time saying that out loud. It doesn’t sound like me, haha. When I read Klaudea’s e-mail, which detailed the reasons why she had chosen me, I was speechless and even incredulous. Maybe it’s because I’m not that person, yet, and I have to keep striving to be that person. However, I’m just soaking in elation to know that I’ve helped someone to be a little happier about herself. So, I’ve propped up the painting by my vanity mirror, not only because it’s so pleasant to look at, but also as a daily reminder of person that I want to become. So, thank you, Klaudea! It’s readers and bloggers like you who keep GoldfishCake alive.
Although the original plan was to stay in this house until June, we now find ourselves in a time crunch to find a new place and move out by the end of the month. I had decided I’d forget about Korea for a while and just focus on finding a job.
Suddenly, I found myself bombarded with all kind of irrational fears about this. I dread interviews more than anything in the world. I’m worried about how the UARS would affect my job performance on a full-time work schedule. I fear rejection. Also, why is my resume as lame as ever? It seems like the only thing I can change is to put a BA and graduation date under “Education”. I’m sickened by the thought that I might end up working retail again, feeding the very disease of consumerism that I hate, convincing innocent buyers that I care for them and that is why I KNOW they need this product that they never needed in the first place. I’m freaking out at the thought of lining the pockets of The Man while only a small percentage of my labor is rewarded (wtf Marxist Paranoia?).

How not to build a resume.
Like I said, these are all irrational and incredibly silly trepidations. I mean, seriously, Alienman. Resentment towards The Man should not stop me from trying to make money altogether. Yet, the trepidation and doubts ring so loud in my mind that I can’t focus on what I should be writing under my list of Skills and Experience. It’s as if I’m looking for any sort of excuse to convince myself that taking a step forward is not worth it. Maybe I’m just lazy.
In the meantime, it seems that everyone who know me truly seem to believe in me. My professor was quite ready to be included in my list of references, even reassuring me that, “Anyone would be lucky to work with you.” In addition there are people like you guys and Klaudea, practically strangers, calling me “an inspiration” and associating me with courage and a charming personality. In truth, I feel anything but courageous.
Why am I such a harsh critic of myself? Clearly, this self-doubt is NOT motivating me at all and it is only delaying my process of self-improvement. I need to stop being a baby about this.
Thanks to you guys, however, I’m inching forward. I’ve decided that my resume is finished, after all. It’s time to take the next step.
…but first, I will finish this round of Bejeweled Blitz.
Do they ever say nice things in Korea anymore?
By alienman on March 8, 2010
I think it’s been over five years since my last visit in Korea. Around that time, just about every other young lady I met had either undergone cosmetic surgery or was saving up for a procedure. For a while, my mother was also planning on putting me under the knife to get my receding chin “fixed”. Her reasoning was that it would simply be putting my chin back where “it was supposed to be” before I “ruined it” with my nasty habit of resting my chin on my hands. Thankfully, that whole phase passed and she has agreed that I look perfectly fine without having to be cut apart against my wishes.
My mother wasn’t unique in her desires to have her daughter surgically “corrected”. This has become a growing trend in South Korea and maybe in many parts of Asia. Being a Korean woman seems to be a lifelong beauty pageant. A woman’s merit is heavily based on her looks and this also extends into the job industry, where applicants are required to submit photos with their resumes. People weren’t the most tactful about keeping comments to themselves, either. I recall my orthodontist commenting on the condition of my skin, which was reacting horribly to the change in environment. Here in the US, we’re taught to keep such thoughts to ourselves, so it was a bit of a surprise for me.
However, for the most part, I didn’t feel like Korean society was all that harsh in judging the looks of young women. I mean, sure, I thought that standards were a bit rigid and high, but it wasn’t as if anyone other than my mom was telling me I should get work done or I should lose weight. For the most part, I felt accepted and plenty of people seemed to find me attractive in spite of my small monolidded eyes and chunky brassy braces.
That was about five years ago. Now, I’m scared to go back because I’m hearing more and more horror stories about how much worse the superficiality and scrutinies have become. A beautiful and slender woman was miserable during her stay in Korea because her own doctor was criticizing her for being fat and ugly. A slim, modelesque young woman I know has recently returned from a brief trip and she came bearing stories of how everyone she met called her fat. The women I see on Korean television shows are freakishly thin that even their thighs are bowed.
After years of being exposed to such superficial-ism, after years of seeing sickly pale-faced skinny girls with surgically cut doe-eyes, my mother must have been sorely disappointed to come to the US and see me at my 127 lbs, windshield tan and itty-bitty eyes. Considering all this, I can’t quite blame her for initially thinking my physical state was problematic and that it was urgent to get me back on the race to be pretty with all those other girls.
Now I weigh around 140 and, being a stone’s throw away from turning 30, my metabolism has definitely slowed. It’s gotten to be more of a struggle to lose weight and I’m not all that frantic about it, either. It is only when I think I have to be in Korea soon, that I feel the pressure to lose the weight. I also wonder, even if I were to reach my desired goal weight of 125, would I still be overweight by Korean societal standards because I wouldn’t look like a starved child from a developing country?
I do hope that I’m being paranoid. Maybe some of my readers could share their stories. Have you been in Korea or anywhere else in Asia recently? What was your impression of the general standards of beauty there?
Posted in Daughter of Asia | Tagged asia, beauty, korea, social commentary, standard | 33 Responses